Plenty of people love company-wide pizza parties and generous workplace vacation packages. Just don’t expect those kinds of perks to consistently motivate people to perform their best, says leadership and workplace researcher Zach Mercurio.
To feel like they matter at work, employees — perhaps surprisingly — prefer one factor over just about everything else, Mercurio says: a boss who’s good at making small talk. Not the superficial chatter that people use to cut awkward silences, but the meaningfully personal conversations that lead to small moments of connection, he explains.
“We’ve studied people for five years in numerous occupations, and we’ve asked them this question: When you feel that you matter, what’s happening at work?” says Mercurio. “Nobody yet has said, ‘When I got a promotion, when I got a pay raise, when I got employee of the month’ … They’ve all talked about small interactions in which someone truly sees them, hears them, is there for them, and reminds them that they’re needed.”
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Questions that show a sincere interest in the other person can helping you build trust and a genuine workplace rapport, Mercurio says. This could be as simple as: “I know things are a little hectic this week. How are you holding up?” Or, “I heard your son graduated this week. Congratulations! How did you celebrate?”
Without casual opportunities for personal interaction, remote workers particularly feel increasingly disconnected and insignificant at work, Mercurio notes. The same is often true of workers in underappreciated positions like janitors, delivery drivers and public transportation operators, he adds.
“We’ve used technology to manage remote and hybrid work, so a lot of our interactions are more transactional than ever. We send updates via Slack or email,” says Mercurio. “But what can’t be an email is checking in on how you’re doing because your parents are in the hospital. [Or] resolving a conflict in their ways of working or checking in on how a project is going.”
How to be a better at small talk
If you want to avoid superficial small talk, “ask clear, open, exploratory questions,” Mercurio says. He offers these examples:
- “Hey, what has your attention today? Anything I can do to make this a better week for you?”
- “What’s the most interesting insight you heard in our team meeting?”
- “Got anything you’re working on that you need some extra help with?”
Avoid inquiries like “How are you today?” and “How was your weekend?” that can result in autopilot responses, author and keynote speaker Lorraine Lee wrote for CNBC Make It in February. Instead, try “conversational threading,” asking questions that encourage more substantial conversation, Lee wrote. For example: “What are you excited to be working on?” or “What was the highlight of your weekend?”
If you’re on the receiving end of an awkward small talk question, give an answer that prompts follow-ups. If someone asks where you’re from, don’t just say “California” — say something like, “I’m from Malibu, near the beach. My family and I used to go surfing on the weekends.”
Bosses especially should take advantage of these small moments to build connections with their employees, Mercurio says: As workplace trust dwindles across the U.S., the relationships you create at work can help you keep your employees productive and engaged.
“I encourage [leaders] to track your interactions with your team, for example, over the week,” he says. “When do you interact with them? Write down, what do you talk about? How much is this talk about what they do and what they can do for you, and how much of that time is spent talking about who they are and how they’re doing?”
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