In successful relationships, both partners feel emotionally secure, connected, and comfortable being themselves around each other. But for many of us, romantic relationships can bring out our deepest insecurities.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist who works with couples, I often tell people that emotional security in a relationship starts with seeing yourself as worthy of love, and trusting that your partner is accepting, caring, and truly committed — through the highs and the lows.
Couples who truly trust each other use seven phrases every day:
1. ‘You see me as I am.’
Feeling safe in a relationship means never having to hide parts of yourself. You are comfortable being vulnerable when talking about painful or difficult topics because you trust that your partner will respond with compassion, not judgement.
Similar phrases:
- “Thank you for loving me as I am.”
- “I appreciate that I can be myself with you.”
2. ‘I trust you.’
Trust is the foundation of emotional security. You believe that your partner’s words and actions align, whether you’re together or apart. You know who they are and you believe they have your best interest in mind.
Similar phrases:
- “Thank you for being respectful of me and our relationship.”
- “We’re a team, and I trust that you want what’s best for the both of us.”
3. ‘We’ll get through this.’
Even the most emotionally secure couples have conflict. What differentiates them is how they handle it. They don’t panic or threaten to leave during disagreements because they trust that the relationship can weather the storms.
Similar phrases:
- “One tough phase doesn’t mean it’s over for us.”
- “Let’s figure this out together.”
4. ‘Go out and have fun with your friends!’
People who trust their partners don’t feel threatened during time apart. Alone time feels natural. They respect each other’s need for independence, knowing that it strengthens the relationship.
Similar phrases:
- “I’m glad you’re making time for yourself.”
- “Thanks for giving me the space when I need it, too.”
5. ‘I miss you!’
Missing someone doesn’t mean you’re clingy — it means you’re connected. Even when you support each other’s personal space, you still look forward to being together.
Similar phrases:
- “Being apart helps me realize how grateful I am for you.”
- “I’m excited to see you when you get home.”
6. ‘Can we talk?’
Secure relationships make room for hard conversations. When something feels off, you’re not afraid to speak up because you believe your partner will be nurturing and listen with care.
Similar phrases:
- “There’s something I’d like to check in about.”
- “I’ve been feeling a little off and I want to make sure we’re okay.”
7. ‘Let’s make a plan!’
Looking forward to the future, whether it’s date night or a shared life goal, indicates mutual investment in the relationship. You see your partner in your long-term vision, and they see you in theirs.
Similar phrases:
- “Can we go over our schedules?”
- “I’m really looking forward to our trip.”
Feeling safe and secure in a relationship takes time
Sharing intimate information about ourselves with our partners isn’t easy. It makes us vulnerable — and if we aren’t met with empathy, it can really hurt.
But the goal is to be in a relationship where we can be fully seen, fully known, and fully accepted. It doesn’t happen overnight, though. It requires conscious effort, and it means learning to accept yourself first, seeing your partner for who they truly are, and committing to growing together over time.
Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.
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